Today I worked on coping with rejection and douche-bags, while intensifying my tan lines by the pool. I’m struggling with the loss of the most recent guy to some unknown possibly gorgeous and talented other women. But more importantly, I’ve been asking myself: why am I so stressed about relationships at 19?

The other day a good friend of mine mentioned that we would probably only have 3 or 4 more serious relationships before we settled down. I let that thought swirl around in my flustered head. That simply cannot be correct, why do we all think we are so much older? I’ve watched my share of sex and the city, and those ladies sure don’t think their “clock is ticking” until they are upwards of 40! Why at 19 are we worried that we are running out of time?

It may sound shallow and unrealistic, but I have a “marrying age”. I have always thought that 27 sounds like the ideal age to be married. 27 is eight years away. That is mildly frightening, but what is scarier is that I am trying to jump into these long term relationships when I don’t even see myself getting married for eight more years.

I want to be in love, I want to find the one. But today, I realized I just need to find myself. That douche-bag I referenced earlier had told me something like that once. But every relevant word just had hit my ears like rejection. Now, I realize that I am 19 and I have my whole life to spend with one person, right now I can spend it with myself.

So, I am honoring another goal for my next 88 days. To constantly remind myself that this is the time in my life to fall in love with my own interests. That I am 19 and there is a 93.5% chance that the relationships I have now, will not turn into a happy marriage. This is the time to just have fun and not worry about the stress of intimate relationships. I understand what that guy wanted, and while he could have handled it one MILLION times better… I get it. It’s time to relax, enjoy time with friends, meet new people and avoid diving into a serious relationship. Some day I will contradict the avoiding relationships statement, but for now I think it is relevant.